Teaching Children Discipline: Advice from a Taekwondo Teacher
Back in my early days of marriage I can remember observing energetic and unruly kids and wondering, “Why don’t they just discipline that child?” Then we had a child of our own. That answered my question. My daughter’s first complete sentence as a child was, “Ya drive me nuts! Ya drive me nuts!” She learned that from hearing her mother saying it repeatedly when frustrated by her resistance to discipline.
Raising children is easier said than done. In the martial arts school, Taekwondo instructors often act as surrogate parents while children are in class. Unless you’ve been there, it’s next to impossible to understand the process. Because at times, it seems that there is no process. The rewards and discipline that work well for one child may not work at all for the next. And just when we think we have a handle on raising kids”, God often sends us a whirl wind of a strong-willed child. I wonder if He does that to keep us humble.
Here are some effective principles that I would like to share with you. I learned some through authors on the subject. Some I learned from observation in my Taekwondo class. And others I figured out the hard way by learning from my own mistakes. Hopefully these principles that help me teach discipline in my Taekwondo class can help you teach discipline at home.
Respect. Kids need to feel respected in order to develop a healthy self-image. Giving and earning respect is an important part of Taekwondo training. At home this means we need to respect their need for privacy. We need to respect their opinions regardless of how absurd or immature they may seem. When we must discipline, we can show our kids respect by giving ourselves a cooling off period before making any decisions. This action alone will go a long way toward gaining the respect of our kids.
Never, ever discipline in anger. When we discipline in anger, we usually over-react and often over-discipline. This in turn wounds the child’s spirit. They respond later through misbehavior or rebellion. Then we get angry, over-react again, and the cycle continues. When we have a problem child or rebellious teen, we expect them to change, in most of these situations, we also need to change. The structure of Taekwondo class helps develop discipline, but we still need to enforce it at home.
Apologize. If you are experiencing this cycle, it’s not too late to make some improvements. Whenever we have wronged a child we must apologize and seek forgiveness. This is difficult, but it is the first step to improving the relationship. When we apologize to a child, they may be too hurt to forgive at that moment. But give them time, and they’ll show forgiveness through their actions.
Patience & Understanding. We must make a conscious effort to act with patience and understanding. The need to be understood is one of the most fundamental human needs. When children know we are making a sincere effort to understand, it melts their rebellious spirit, and causes them to want to understand us.
The Golden Rule. The bottom line is that everything we need to know to teach children proper discipline was probably taught to us by age 5; be loving, polite, wait your turn to speak, control your anger, show respect to others, be considerate of others feelings, be patient and understanding, and always tell the truth. We’re really talking about the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” That is the kind of self discipline we expect from children who study Taekwondo.
Spend Time. There is a basic concept of time management: spend quality time at work and spend quality time with relationships. There is no substitute for a Taekwondo teacher’s time spent with children. However, no matter how well they are taught, children sometimes choose to live their lives contrary to the way we have taught them. Parents often experience this at home as well.
Please don’t put guilt and blame unfairly upon yourself. As Taekwondo teachers, or as parents, we can only go so far in what we teach children. Some of life’s lessons they must learn on their own. If your student chooses a wayward path, give them time to mature. Meanwhile, they still need your patience, understanding, love, and respect.
Regardless of a child’s personality or temperament, these are some time-proven principles that can help us stay connected with our Taekwondo students. The key is to discipline. Not to punish.
